On the Invention of Golf

"Here's my idea for a fucking sport. I knock a ball in a gopher hole.

"Like pool?"

"Fuck off pool, not with a straight stick, with a little fucked up stick. I whack a ball its goes in a gopher hole."

"Oh you mean like croquet?"

"Fuck croquet. I put the hole hundreds of yards away. Oh fuck of ya"

"Oh like a bowling thing?"

"Fuck no, Not straight I put shit in the way. Like trees and bushes and high grass. So you can lose you fucking ball. And go whacking away with a fucking tire iron. Whacking away, and each time you miss you feel like you'll have a stroke. Fuck that's what we'll call it, a stroke, cause each time you miss you feel like you're gonna fuckin die. Oh great, oh and here's the better part oh fuck this is brilliant. Right near the end I'll put a little flat piece with a little flag to give you fucking hope. But then I'll put a little pool and a sand box to fuck with your ball again. Ay, you'll be there cracking you ass, jacking away in the sand."

"Oh and you do this one time?"

"Fuck no. 18 fucking times!"

by Robin Williams